she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
