I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
