i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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