Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
