So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
