i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you will always have a special place in my vag
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
