everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
