I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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