It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
