my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
