Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
