I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize