I need to stop coming to work sober
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
