small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
