I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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