just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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