i dont even know how to be here
she pinky promised me she was 18
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
