I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
