well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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