mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize