I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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