We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
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I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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