I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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