I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
