He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
These tits shall not be calmed
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
