....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
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No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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