I accidentally burped into my bong.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
