Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
