I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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