she was so not down for the gang bang
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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