I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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