had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sext me about skeletons
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
