i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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