we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
