Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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