Your face is a jimmy john
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
