Soap is not a condiment
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
