Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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