garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
