just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
