chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
