heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
