I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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