you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
