I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize