So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this just has baby written all over it
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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