i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
