3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Green mimosas i think yes
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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