You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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