i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
