Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
