im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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