My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
