Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
