:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
