dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
