I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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