Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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