i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
