Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
