I cannot find my penis.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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